


Bake Sale Blowjob

by SatinesHell



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Adultery, Bake Sale, Blowjobs, Cheating, Feel free to be male or female, I dont give a shit, M/M, Sorry Mary, but boy do i love me some satan joseph, church, i do love her but rn i need to fuck the priest man, i uh, joseph is not satan here, used my bible minor to sin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 08:28:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11710641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatinesHell/pseuds/SatinesHell
Summary: Psalm 100:4“Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.”





	Bake Sale Blowjob

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RatFlavored](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatFlavored/gifts), [SolidPersona](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolidPersona/gifts).



> My gf, SolidPersona, texted me when she was playing through Joseph's route and said all she could think about was blowing Joseph under the bake sale table. Happy 1 year anniversary babe.
> 
> Also, my best bud, RatFlavored's birthday was...recent...so it's a birthday fic.
> 
> These are my excuses to write this filth.

The church was holding another bake sale. Thankfully, Ernest Hemingway Vega did not ruin anything in the church like the pews or ruin any banners like the one at the dance.

Joseph had said it was to open the doors and create more community but you figured the church wouldn’t mind having a little money saved away just in case Ernest did ruin something in the (most likely) near future.

Seeing as you and Joseph had made the most money last time, Joseph invited you once more to help. You quickly accepted — how could you not? Spending time with someone so positive was one of the highlights of your week, aside from spending time with Amanda, that is.

Once you agreed, Joseph gave you the corresponding time and date over Dadbook.

 _“Don’t forget your can-do attitude!”_ he reminded and you could almost hear the smile in the message.

…

How could you? You were thirsting after a man of God and not only a man of God, a married man? What would Joseph say? What would the man upstairs say?

WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE WAS THAT SETTING FOR AMANDA.

But how could you not? You saw the way other women and men looked at Joseph and hey, better to ask forgiveness than permission.

A reminder _ding!_ broke your concentration and you sighed. Might as well head over now to think of something to bake with Joseph other than brownies.

~~~

The brainstorming had been simple. Keeping your hands to yourself as Joseph tried out his grandmother’s angel cake recipe was the hard part. Why couldn’t Joseph keep himself clean? You should buy him an apron. You tell him that after you make a joke about buying baked goods.

Oh God, what have you done? Now you can’t help imagining the youth minister wearing nothing but the apron. You could bend him over his beautiful counters, fuck him so all he remembers is your name and nothing about that God forsaken bake sale with overly nice people that make you feel like a dickhead in disguise. He would moan oh-so pretty for you, look back, eyes _begging for more, harder-!_

“He’s a married man, for Chrissake!” you shout to no one in particular, burying your face in your hands.

Amanda pokes her head in your room and you feel a chill run down your spine. You really need to shut your mouth and close your door.

“Yooo…” she says, raising a sharp eyebrow at you. You can almost feel the judge coming from her. “Everything okay?”

You wave her off and think of something to say to get her off your ass. “Yeah, it’s just...all these fans who hate the spouse of my favorite character or they want to do other things with that character. Don’t they know they’re married? Isn’t that disrespectful?”

Amanda snorts, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame. “Yeah, it is. Those kinds of people are the worst.”

You hear that? You’re the worst for going after a married man.

~~~

That still doesn’t stop your sinning ass from thinking about the cool youth minister and desiring to fuck him into next week. Your imagination is suddenly as healthy as it was when you were a teen and you have to deal with a lot of pressing matters at literally any moment of the day.

You conjure up everything under the sun and you are so horny that you lay in bed considering making an ad on Craigslist and fucking the first person who responds.

You wrinkle your nose. Okay, maybe not _that_ desperate.

But the preacher man is doing something to you that you haven’t felt since your spouse Alex was around. You’ve tried everything from masturbation to watching porn and somehow, Joseph still plagues your thoughts and the porn only gives your imagination more fantasies starring Joseph.

Pornhub even started making recommendations of preacher porn. You were too far gone.

The night before the bake sale, Joseph sends you a polite but happy message.

_“Looking forward to tomorrow morning! I know it’s pretty early so I’ll have breakfast ready for you. Pancakes and sausage links or waffles and eggs?”_

He’s making breakfast for you. How domestic can this get? He’s literally the perfect man. And because you were also in the middle of a jerk-off session, you can’t help but think about Joseph in the apron, giving you breakfast in bed. Naked.

Sighing, you reach one hand to the keyboard and type a message back.

_“Waffles. Holds syrup better. And wear the apron so you’re not as dirty as the last times.”_

You hold in a groan when your hand moves faster. You in bed. Joseph straddling you, feeding you waffles dripping with syrup. Syrup dripping onto your chest and a lustful Joseph licking it off your chest—

The computer _dinged!_ Must be Joseph.

_“We’ll make some grate things tomorrow!”_

A picture message followed. Joseph wearing a red with white polka dot apron over his clothes, winking at the camera and giving you a thumbs up.

You come, biting your lip and knowing you’re going straight to the Lake of Fire for what you’re doing.

~~~

The waffles were fluffy on the inside and crispy on the outside, topped with raspberries and blueberries and a healthy side of scrambled eggs. You eat quietly, barely awake with the coffee Joseph served you and also tired from how many times you came last night.

No one else is awake except you and Joseph and you keep trying to hold conversation with him but you’re barely getting anywhere. Considering he’s been awake longer than you have, he only smiles and touches your shoulder, nodding his head in understanding.

The food fills your belly and your energy bar, letting you wake up more.

The apron is hanging on the oven door handle.

You pick up the dirty dishes once you’re done, washing them for Joseph. He complained once but you shook your head.

“We have a rule in my house. The person who cooks doesn’t wash the dishes.”

Joseph opened his mouth but wisely shut it a moment later. He looks to the side, a light flush on his cheeks and his bottom lip sticking out just slightly.

God almighty, he’s pouting.

He looks so cute that you can’t help it. The dishes are left in the sink and you are suddenly in front of him, pulling his chin up and kissing him.

He’s surprised only a moment before his hands are gripping your shirt and pulling you down to deepen the kiss.

Your mind shuts down and you forget your surroundings. Your hands thread through his soft golden hair and you’re delighted when tugging at his hair makes him gasp. You take the opportunity to nip at his lip, pulling a muffled moan from him and it’s only the need for air that has you pulling away.

You’re both panting and you love the half-lidded look in his eyes. His lips are redder from being kissed so hard and you barely, just barely stop yourself from slamming him down on the kitchen counter.

Goddamn you and your thirst.

~~~

It takes a moment for you both to calm down but there’s talks to be had. Later though.

Right now, the angel cake needs to be made.

He ties on the apron and sets to mixing the ingredients. He has a list of ingredients, measurements and directions on two sticky notes. You mix the dry ingredients and he mixes the wet ones. Together, you put it in one bowl, shoulders brushing in a way that has you fumbling to keep a good grip on the bowl.

Once the mix is in the oven, he looks up shyly at you, mumbling how he bought the apron for less than pure reasons and admits he prayed for forgiveness once he cut it out of its package.

You should see the situation at hand but you can’t stop the smile from forming. Seeing you smile makes Joseph smile and you say the apron had started out pure but ended up sinful.

Your confession makes him flush and you put your chin in your palm. “How many hail Marys do I have to do, preacher?” you ask.

Joseph purses his lips but looks amused. “Catholics do hail Marys. We’re Evangelical Christian.”

You sit up, looking a little more interested. “You don’t have pray one item for every single bead on a necklace?”

That garners a deep laugh from Joseph. “Heavens no! In general, we don’t carry around the rosary. We just get into our preferred position and pray.”

Joseph suddenly looks concerned when you smirk at him.

“And what’s your preferred praying position?” you ask. “On your knees?”

Joseph is lucky enough not to answer when the oven timer beeps but you know you’ve teased him enough for the time being.

~~~

The bake sale really isn’t a sale but a party the church throws for the community. There’s a smorgasbord of food, desserts and games for the attendees to enjoy. There’s one of those bouncy castles and you wish you were a kid again just so you could get in on that action.

Still, you keep your eyes on the goal and you helped set up row after row of tables before draping crisp white sheets on the top. The edges just barely brushed the blades of plush green grass well groomed for this day.

Once setup is complete, the volunteers cheer and pat each other on the back. Joseph sidles up to you and drapes an arm around your shoulder, a wide grin crinkling the corners of his eyes. You lean in and grin back.

The church pastor, elders and Joseph call the others into a group circle for prayer and the other volunteers gather together, holding hands. You feel a little better seeing some Christians look sheepish when they have to hold hands with the other community members with the leaders in the center.

Once the prayer is over with a large _Amen!,_ everyone moves to their respective stations. Joseph returns to you, looking invigorated before leading you to your table. You’re lucky enough to get your own table but considering how many pieces the angel cake got sliced into, it’s understandable.

Somehow, Joseph had enough cake plates to hold all the cake slices. You look longingly at a piece calling your name but your stomach tells you no. Joseph can see your inner struggles and gives you a small little smile.

“That’s why I gave you a larger breakfast.”

Sneaky asshole.

With a huff, you slump into your plastic folding chair beside him. You get an easy stream of customers passing by who praise the blond for his delicious desserts. It doesn’t take much to seduce the other members of the community to get at the cake. Not even Craig can resist.

At midday, the flow of customers slow and the both of you get to take a moment to relax. You want to inquire as to where Mary is but you don’t want to ruin the mood and considering you haven’t seen Joseph’s kids, you assume she’s taking care of them.

You stretch your arms back with a relaxed yawn, smacking your lips together as the last customer leaves. Joseph sits back in his own chair with a soft sigh. There’s only a fourth of the cakes left.

Your knees are under the table and quietly, you grab Joseph’s hand. His head turns quickly to you, astonished and you almost let his hand go. He quickly squeezes your hand and neither of you say a word. The table covers your locked hands and you feel a fluttery feeling in your chest. You chance a glance at Joseph and he’s smiling so brilliantly at you that you feel your entire face heat up so much that you have to look away.

A customer begins approaching and you discreetly let go so you can entice them to buy some more food. Unfortunately for you, you are clumsy and all the coin money is sent to the ground.

Shit. So much for looking cool.

You bend down, rolling your eyes when Joseph chuckles. You set about collecting each coin from the grass and you silently curse every person who decided to pay with coin and whoever didn’t mow the lawn. Why didn’t they hire that showboat, Brian to take care of the lawn?

You mouth a quiet _fuck!_ when you realize that there are coins even beneath the table. The coins you’ve collected are set on the table and you duck under the table on your hands and knees for more.

It’s shady and cooler under the table and thank God you don’t have to deal with the community or the church constituents at the moment. The grass is making your life hell but it’s plush enough to make you want to fall asleep under the table so no one else will bother you.

Just as you’re considering staying beneath the table forever, Joseph lifts the flap of the table cover, tilting his head at you just like a young puppy would. “They went that far, did they?”

You nod and show him the collected coins to which he only gives you a sympathetic smile, taking the coins from your hand so they won’t be too cumbersome as you pick up the rest.

He disappears and you slump onto the grass, crossing your arms under your head. Ahh, yes. This was a brilliant idea. You should have done this earlier. Your eyes slide shut and you’re near falling asleep when something kicks you in the ribs. You can’t help the ungodly squawk that leaves your lips and you see the culprit — Joseph.

He is suddenly back under the table, looking down in confusion and concern. “My goodness, I am so sorry — were you asleep?”

His voice is full of surprise and your brain shorts out on you. Are you supposed to be angry that he accidentally kicked you or should you lie that you hadn’t been asleep at all? Your brain doesn’t help you at all. In fact, it makes you look even stupider.

“No I wasn’t looking for coins.”

There’s a moment of silence and you can see Joseph trying to hold in his laughter before the table cover separates you from his face.

Laugh at you, will he? Oh, he’ll pay for that.

Coins forgotten, you manage to shift your frame right where his legs are sticking under the table. Like every other man, they are spread and you pray to every deity under the sun that his shorts are on the tighter end of the spectrum.

You have to time this right or else he’ll shut you down and tell you to leave room for God, Jesus and the disciples. A customer approaches and you set about making yourself comfortable.

Just as Joseph begins greeting the customer, you lean in and mouth at the outline of his cock. He nearly jumps out of his chair and his voice suddenly becomes a soprano. The customer asks if he’s alright and he composes himself quickly, making to stand up to maneuver himself out of reach.

Nice try, buddy, but you won’t stand for that. Your hands make quick work of his pants and with a great skill you had never known, his cock is out and in front of you. He stills and resigns himself to his seat, knowing he can’t tuck himself back in unless he wants to be obvious about it.

Back under the table, you’re struck by how beautiful his cock is. It’s a palette of complementing colours and you’re positive Michelangelo cooperated with God to sculpt him. Hell, David himself would look upon Joseph and declare great jealousy.

You look up and sign the cross, whispering, “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit — thank you for this meal. Amen.”

You lick one long strip up his length and you hear Joseph respond with a hiss. He’s clean and well groomed even at his pubes. You shouldn’t be surprised but you’re thankful to boot.

“What are you doing.” There’s no mistake, the customer is gone and Joseph is talking to you.

“I’m only getting revenge. After all, isn’t there that line that says “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth?”

Joseph scoffs but you suddenly take him into your mouth, making it difficult for him to speak clearly. You don’t want to be rude and talk with your mouth full so he takes it upon himself to handle the silence.

“Out of context. Jesus actually said to turn the other cheek in Matthew 5:39.” Joseph sounds way too smug for your liking so you decide to give a good suck, enthusiastically bobbing your head up and down along his shaft.

He sighs and one of his hands threads through your hair gently, giving you a warm tingly feeling that spreads throughout your body. You can’t believe it, you’re sucking the youth minister’s dick at _church_ of all places.

This is something to put on your resume and LinkedIn for sure.

His hands, smooth and callous free, rest on your head before sliding his fingers through your hair. At times, he even pulled at the hair at the nape of your neck, getting full body shivers from you while you worked on him.

You wished you could see what he looked like. He must have been holding himself in, trying to look composed while you sucked him off. You couldn’t take it, you just had to see what kinds of faces he was making.

You pause, half his cock in your mouth, lifting the table cover just enough over your head. The light is bright but when your vision clears, you see an angelic haze around the object of your affections.

His cheeks are flushed a dark red, brows drawn tightly together and gnawing on his bottom lip. He’s beautiful like this and he’s trying to keep himself composed, eyes flitting to the different stalls around. He looks heavenly.

Until he makes eye contact with you.

It feels like you’re sucker punched in the gut and you have no more air in your lungs. His eyes are not a clear blue but a dark, lustful blue and holy _fuck_ do you want to bend Joseph over the table and fuck him until he’s sobbing mess.

The idea of fucking him is too appealing and you’re quickly tucking him back into his pants much to Joseph’s surprise.

“I-”

“Hush,” you tell him, wiping your lips on the back of your hand. “Come with me.”

“But the bake sale-”

“I’ll pay you back.”

You hastily write “FREE” on a piece of paper and smack it down before the rest of the slices of cake. You grab Christiansen’s hand and drag him up to the church, licking your lips at all the ideas. You’re gonna have to do this on the fly.

The double wooden doors are heavy but they’re easy to open. They close with a deep resounding noise and before you realize what’s happening, the minister is grabbing you by the collar of your shirt and pressing you up against the wooden doors, kissing you so hard that your mind wipes clean.

When you come to, you find your leg wrapped around Joseph’s hip while he holds your waist, grinding his hard cock into your arousal.

He’s making a new face, one of concentration and desperation. He’s focused on the end goal and it looks like nothing’s gonna stop him.

Too bad it’s gotta be you.

You lower your leg and he looks at you in exasperation. “Darling, _please_ ,” he pleads, but you quiet him with a finger against his lips.

“I have plans for you, Minister Christiansen,” you whisper and he visibly shudders but it’s clear you have his attention and permission.

You make your way down the pews and behind you, Joseph starts reciting a verse.

“Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.”

Your eyes sweep the empty church and you’re given choices. It’s either the big ass wooden pulpit in the middle of the stage or the equally big ass wooden communion table behind the pulpit. You’re tempted to fuck him on both but you’re both pressed for time.

You’ll be entering Joseph's court with plenty of praise and thanksgiving alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm going to church on Sunday and I'm going to be eyeing the pulpit and the communion table imagining the cool youth minister getting dicked on both.


End file.
